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1/31 - First Satellite of 2009 Final Standings
Details | Recap | Final Standings | Bracket | Pictures
| Final Rank | Team Name | Winner's Bracket Wins | Loser's Bracket Wins |
| 1 | Green Man | 7 | 0 |
| 2 | LA Steelers | 5 | 1 |
| 3 | Half Baked | 3 | 4 |
| 4 | Kick Rocks CEOs | 4 | 1 |
| 5 | Shred The Sniper | 4 | 0 |
| Hybrid Rice | 3 | 2 | |
| 7 | Team Beirut | 2 | 3 |
| Kick Rocks Platinum | 3 | 1 | |
| 9 | Yugoslavian Pancakes | 3 | 0 |
| Cocksmen | 2 | 2 | |
| Schitzweak | 1 | 5 | |
| Mywicky | 2 | 2 | |
| 13 | G'd Up | 2 | 1 |
| Team America | 2 | 1 | |
| Kick Rocks Militia | 1 | 3 | |
| This Is What Happens When Science Has Sex With Magic | 2 | 3 | |
| 17 | Remember The Titans | 1 | 2 |
| Kick Rocks LFG | 1 | 2 | |
| Nachos- Lemonade- My Dad's Boat | 0 | 3 | |
| Hey There Sasquich | 1 | 2 | |
| Clip Show | 2 | 0 | |
| Training Day | 2 | 0 | |
| Naka & Rainman | 0 | 3 | |
| Pooplantation | 2 | 0 | |
| 25 | Droppin Loads | 1 | 1 |
| Don't Pee In The Fish Tank | 2 | 1 | |
| The Super V Ladys | 2 | 1 | |
| Kick Rocks Rookies | 1 | 1 | |
| Don't Forget to Wash Your Balls | 1 | 1 | |
| Brangelina | 1 | 1 | |
| Pump & Dump | 0 | 3 | |
| Josh & Big | 0 | 2 | |
| 33 | NutzB Dragon | 0 | 1 |
| Money Shot | 0 | 2 | |
| Bang Train | 0 | 1 | |
| Just Cuz | 0 | 2 | |
| The Country | 1 | 0 | |
| Wet Balls Beer Pong | 0 | 1 | |
| The Shockers | 0 | 1 | |
| Dicksneeze | 0 | 1 | |
| Santiago & Dunbar | 0 | 1 | |
| Starsky & Clutch | 1 | 0 | |
| STFU Fogell | 0 | 1 | |
| Frankenstein's Fat Foot | 0 | 2 | |
| I Love Kittens | 1 | 0 | |
| Kick Rocks Princesses | 2 | 0 | |
| Electric Feel Your Mom | 1 | 0 | |
| Beat Cherries | 0 | 1 | |
| 49 | We Boned The World Series Champ And His Roommate | 0 | 1 |
| Priceless Peptalks | 0 | 0 | |
| Left Field Sucks | 0 | 0 | |
| Estillo Tigre | 0 | 0 | |
| T.W.L.B. | 0 | 0 | |
| Pinche Frijoles | 0 | 0 | |
| After School Special | 0 | 0 | |
| Tell It To My Pants Pockets | 0 | 0 | |
| BRW | 0 | 0 | |
| The Cheesy Team | 0 | 0 | |
| Captain Caddy | 0 | 0 | |
| Red Couch Movement | 0 | 0 | |
| C. C. | 0 | 0 | |
| Jew-Mex | 0 | 0 | |
| We're Not Just Sure? We're HIV Positive | 0 | 0 | |
| The Cunning Linguists | 0 | 0 | |
| 65 | S.P. | 0 | 0 |
| Better With Age | 0 | 0 | |
| Just The Tip | 0 | 0 | |
| Boston & Scott | 0 | 0 | |
| Ryan Has Small Balls | 0 | 0 |